For
two years I had been living a relatively quiet life of an immigrant student's
wife. I tried to keep busy from the very first moment we moved into our new
life abroad. I had left my job back at home and finding myself alone was a
challenge. Now I could pursue other things I hadn't had the time to do before,
but at the same time I was intimidated because I had a lot of time to manage on
my own. I tried to look on the bright side. Being on a J2 visa, I immediately
applied for an employment authorization card. Eventually, I found a part time
job I loved. I considered myself extremely lucky because I had found an
occupation that kept me busy and allowed me to stay among people. Life was
looking good and my sanity had been preserved for a while.
Things
started to shake again when my husband was offered the H1B visa, which meant
for me to pass on an H4. This visa, as most immigrants' spouses know too well,
implies many limitations. I was to give up my financial independence and my
professional career. My higher education degrees were nothing more than
trophies used as wallpaper. I was forced to give up everything I believed in
and worked for. The prospect was very ominous.
In
the meantime we also had moved to another place, closer to my husband's workplace.
The friends I had met in the previous two years were also moving to other
destinations. I began to feel totally deserted, lost and useless. The delicate
new balance I had created abroad was starting to crumble. The situation
deteriorated pretty quickly; I got sick and spent time in and out of doctors'
offices to find out the cause of a mysterious allergy that was tormenting me. I
was losing my strength in body and spirit and I realized I had to do something
before it was too late.
Slowly
and painfully I started to realize that I couldn't beat this system that denied
me to be who I was and who I aspired to be. With an H4 visa, I was to sign away
my freedom and I couldn't force myself into something I also believe to be fundamentally unconstitutional. In fact, I felt this visa status was
violating and contradicting many primary constitutional rights. An oxymoron: a
legal paper that limits or denies your rights! What happened to Thomas
Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin's Declaration of Independence? Did they really mean
that all men are created equal and endowed with certain inalienable rights,
including the pursuit of happiness, or some men are more equal than others (to
paraphrase George Orwell)?
I
felt very confused; in the land of the free I had no freedom. Within legality,
since I had come to the country following all the red tape to the dot, I was
limited in many ways that forbade me from living my normal life. This is a
country where slavery has been abolished, women have the same rights as men, a
nation populated by immigrants (not to be sarcastic here, but how many can
really trace their roots back to Pocahontas or Sacajawea??), and yet, LEGAL
immigrants' wives are at the mercy of their husbands, depending on them for
everything. Are you kidding me?!? There is something against nature in this
perverse system. Many immigrants' wives can't cope with this situation, they
feel unwelcome, unwanted and invisible; hence, in the best scenario they decide to leave: empty
handed, abandoned and broken in their spirit and in their lives.
I
was wasting my days, my life, away in a nasty place that I was loathing by the
minute. The system wanted to reduce me to a role totally unsuited and
anachronistic for today's women. After long and serious considerations, I came
to the only possible conclusion: I was to leave if I wanted to recover and
regain health and happiness. It was the hardest decision ever. I was
leaving a country that despite everything I still loved for many reasons,
but obviously for some others I started to hate.
This adventure was also taking a huge toll on my marriage. However,
despite the odds, I have been very lucky. Unlike many husbands who decided to
follow their careers, my husband followed me.
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